Annual Airing of Grievances Anno 2014

End of year hate rants are pretty much the best part of doing a blog. Watch out for these turds.

Swans - To Be Kind  Another awful year in music another awful Swans recording. Swans seems to be everyones' and their great aunts' favor band to heap unending gushes of praise upon. Why this is? Don't ask me why. The emperor wear's no clothes? You betcha.
Opeth - Pale Communion  Oh my lord what do we have here, a nu Opeth that sucks yard upon yards of red hot balls yessirree. Take the emotion and charm out of one of Camel's lesser albums and you have this sort of toned down wanna be ELP bs.
Nachtmystium - The World We Left Behind  Bottom of the barrel attempt at catchy and anthemic black-like(lite) sludge metal. As empty sounding as a tapped out spike.
The Soft Pink Truth - Why Do the Heathen Rage?  Does this really still need to be a thing?? I think The Hard Mauve False are about 15 years late to the "lets do a piss-take of black metal" partay. At least it is easier on the ears than Impaled Northern Moonforest, but not quite up to Goat Thrower standards.
Mayhem - Esoteric Warfare Too over the top and theatrical, if I wanted to listen to some campy caterwaulin' I'd go watch Xanadu...the music's nothing to write home about either.
Massacre - Back From Beyond time to go back beyond Rozz and crew. This video sums it all up, what exactly is the joke? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaSc_eQciVc
Fallujah - The Flesh Prevails  yikes my precious eardrums are still recovering
Cynic - Kindly Bent To Free Us Some kind of no man's land between unchallenging prog-rock, AOR ambient excursions and the absolute lightest kind of metal that could still be called such. A big step down from Traced In Air and even Elves Beam Out which at least had some goofy charm to it.
Behemoth - The Satanist  Nergal with penis-horn growls about satan, how he is satan or whatever, dresses up like cirque de soleil satan and plays lots of fast boring riffs with fancy drumming.
Triptykon - Melana Chasmata
ZzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzžzzzŹŻzŻzzzzzzzzzzžžžźz.......ZzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzžzzzŹŻzŻzzzzzzzzzzžžžźzŻzŻzzzzzzzzzzžžžźz, a big old snoozefest. I haven't felt this tired after listening to an album since the time I dozed off and almost drove off the road listening to Hate Eternal's King of All Kings. Should at least come with a warning not to operate heavy machinery while listening, and a complimentary case of No-Doz and Red Bullz.
Heck, even Tom G Warrior admitted this wasn't very good, and I am more than inclined to agree.

also I haven't listened to Yob, Pallbearer, Indians, Mastodon, Thou, Godflesh, Sunn O))) but I'm sure that they're all awful.

Annual Airing of Grievances 2013

Overall I really thought 2013 was a good year for the metal music...not quite as good as last year, but you had these amazing comeback albums by the likes of Voivod and Carcass and Satan and the almighty Mindly Rotten which wasn't a comeback but a reassertion to their throne of champions. I just can't get over that band. Anyway, where there are winners there are losers, so here's the bottom of the sludge pile.

Satyricon - s/t  By far the biggest dissapointment of the year, if you've got a superb drummer like Frost let him cut loose and go nuts godammit! Its sad when the best song on your album is a trite, romantic-styled ballad featuring that bald Midnight Oil looking mutherfucker whose day job is crooning in an AOR band.
Summoning - Old Morning's Dawn  not that Summoning aren't great but this is a pale imitation of their best works (Stronghold, Minas Morgul, Nightshade Forests)
Sannhet - Known Flood  more hipster bs
Rotting Christ - Kata Ton Daimona Eaytoy  I usually love some Rotting Christ and the past few albums have been awesome, but ad naseum already...this is just a weaker replica of the last album, Sakis needs to recharge some of those creative juices.
Queens of the Stone Age - Like Cockwork  truly one of my favorite bands delivered a giant steaming turd in 2013.
Portal - Vexovoid  the grandfather clocks of this fucking cavern-core genre...Swarth was cool, Outre was cool...this is just more of the same, I dunno I guess I've reached my limit of this kind of nonsense.
Melvins - Everybody Loves Sausages  seriously who gives a fuck about this band anymore?
Inter Arma - Sky Burial  fuck this and anything even remotely associated with the "sludge" genre
Haxan Cloak - Excavation  The Emperor wears no cloak, uninteresting sound collage for boring milquetoasts in wood-rimmed glasses.
Gehenna - Unravel  rivals Satyricon for most boring album of the year but I will give these guys a little credit, at least it sounds like they were making an attempt to try.
Extol - s/t  Extol makes a comeback and no one gives a shit and with the mediocre quality of this album its easy to see why.
The Dillinger Escape Plan - One of Us is the Killer  this kind of music used to be mildly popular 10 years ago.
Ghost B.C. - Infestissumam  that pope schtick is about as threatening as the real pope, this goes for the music as well.
Crest of Darkness - In the Prescence of Death  Like a ripe cheese these fuckers just get fouler with age.
Ephel Duath - Hemmed By Light, Shaped By Darkness  This band used to be tits I just loved that concept album about the dog, but now that Italian married Karyn Crisis and the vocal cords that come with her...what a shame.
Circle - Incarnation...Why this fine psychedelic kraut-rock influenced band decided to do a straight up death metal, black metal, extreme metal album is beyond me, it sounds fucking awful. Take every cliche of the shitty cavern-core genre and neuvo-trash and mix it in a giant enema bag...the musical Incarnation of a big pile of llama shit
Botanist - IV:Mandragora  here's another one that completely mystifies me as to why people go apeshit over this lame-ass limp-dick attempt at "interesting" metal.
Aborym - Dirty...About as entertaining as the Christina Aguilera song its named after.

I could go into detail on the Gorguts and Deafhaven records which I thought had a good chance of making this shame parade, but after a few more listens both are decent enough albums....just highly overrated. It pains me to say that about Gorguts cuz I have mad respect for Luc Lemay fanny-pack and all but Obscura and to a lesser extent Wisdom were filled with strange-hooks and a bizarre charm which Coloured Sands is not...I do LOVE the classical track Battle of Chamdo though.

FINALLY
A big fuck off to all sludge and cavern-core bands...come on guys that shit is plaaaaayyyyeeed out.

Airing of Grievances...The Worst of 2012

I thought maybe I shouldn’t do the airing of grievances for 2012. Yknow start 2013 on a high note, full of positivity and good vibes.

Fuck that nonsense, I’m gonna do what I do best…I’m gonna hate.

Swans…I think I like the Swans…or I thought I liked them, I remember listening to some of their stuff years ago, so I figure what the hell I’ll give The Seer a try.

Couldn’t get through 15 minutes, oh well.

Enslaved…Oh Grutle and krew, fool me once (Vertebrae) shame on you - fool me twice (Axioma Ethica Odini) shame on me - fool me three times (RIITIIR) and strike 3 - you’re out….I still like your old stuff though guys, everything up through Below the Lights is pure gold.

Wreck and Reference….Super hyped indie noise rock masquerading as black metal, I guess I should be used to this by now. But for some reason I thought No Youth might be different. It wasn’t. yawn.

I’m beginning to think that Sigh named their band with the sole purpose of describing my reaction to their newest albums. In Somniphobia’s brand of kitchen sink metal has the same cheesy melodic choices and ho hum flair that plagued 2010’s Scenes From Hell. Oh, Sigh have always had a cheesy aspect, but it just doesn’t come across as fun anymore…it comes across as lazy, and this is a band that I never thought I’d be calling lazy. On the bright side, the artwork is A+!

Panopticon’s Kentucky is a mess, but not a hot one. Whatever magic they had on Social Disservices (an album that was nigh-on brilliant) didn’t carry over. I still listen to this though…it’s not horrible, just not up to the standard of A Lunn’s past few albums.

Ehnahre’s Old Earth. Hey, I can be pretty high-brow sometimes, but I just don’t get this shit.

The new Nile is the very definition of a band stewing in their own collective juice. I almost like At The Gates Of Sethu just because the production and vocals are so goddamn weird…but then I pay attention to the actual music. Can’t rise above without the riffs boys.

Hail Spirit Noir’s Pneuma sounded promising on paper…proper 70’s prog mixed with black metal, plus they are from Greece, so how bad could it be? Well, they managed to take the most annoyingly boring aspects of prog, added horrible black metal vocals, and I hear the drummer phoned in his performance while he was participating in a sleep study. Pneuma has all the personality of a damp sponge and would be the most boring black metal album of the year if it weren’t for…

Nachtmystium’s Silencing Machine. I hated this album almost as much as I hated that Mumford and Sons. Or T Swizzle. Or Wakka Flakka. You get the picture. Complete dreck.

FADADES

Now THIS is a band that should have been on Metal Enterprises!

Godzilla - II

Another Metal Enterprises release...maybe even more insane than Killer Fox, but surprisingly listenable, go figure. Still, it's just not very good except for a laugh...and even then your better off with that Red Foxx album I posted a while back (ol' Red is a "Killer" Foxx after all, hehehe).

Go-zilla

Kalaschnikov - The Torture Never Stops

Another of the infamous Metal Enterprise releases...utterly cheesy and fun as hell!!

The Torture Never Stops

Wicked Stupidity

So I'm watching a Jada Pinkett Smith movie, and I'm thinking.."didn't she used to have a heavy metal band?" Why yes she did! Holy shit, this is probably the worst thing ever.

Fudgeworthy Records Compilation

The infamous Fudgeworthy Records, home to all your grindcore, shitcore, noisecore, tardcore, whatever kind of disgusting lowbrow core you could possibly ever need. Founded by a gentleman named Infection Charlie, Fudgeworthy's reign of terror began with the Jesus Chrust 7" in 1990 and ended with the Phillipino black/grinders Kratornas' 7" in 2006. This label was the tastemaker of a degeneration, satiating the socially disenfranchised and mentally borderline mid-late '90's meat(shit)head prevert. G.G., Gonkulator, Meatshits A.C., Captain Three Leg...enough raw noise to keep you whacking your pud for daze. Fudgeworthy indeed.

Fudgeworthy Records

Airing Of Grievances - Disappointments Of 2011

Absu - Abzu

I just wasn't feeling this one at all...competently played and more technical than ever I guess but that just shouldn't be enough for Absu. For a band to go from Tara to their s/t (which wasn't nearly as good as Tara but had it's moments) to Abzu means that they are now on a precipitous decline. Proscriptor you are still the man, but see if you can get a little bit of that blackened magick goin' next time. Props for the cool artwork though.

Manilla Road - Playground Of The Damned

There are sooo many things wrong with Manilla Road's latest album that it just depresses the hell out of me. This is a legendary band, why should the recording sound worse than a fucking demo?? I seriously thought I was listening to this in mono, I had to check the speakers a couple of times...but that's not even the main problem. Problem numero uno is Hellroadie. DO NOT LET THIS MAN NEAR A MIC EVER AGAIN!!! Mark "The Shark" Shelton is one of my favorite vocalists, and to hear Hellroadie's vastly inferior voice instead of Shelton's is a complete letdown. Most of the riffs are pretty good, The Shark's solos are still jawdropping, and when he sings it is magickal, but still...this is easily the worst Manilla Road album ever.

Old Silver Key - Tales Of Wanderings

Members of Drudkh and Alcest, this definitely had potential to be good....it wasn't. It does work as a damn good Nyquil substitute though.

Wold - Freermasonry

Fuckin' noise...I got fooled again. This is almost as bad as the time that asshole at Vintage Vinyl sold me a Harry Pussy record.

Oranssi Pazuzu - Kosmonument

Now this could be a grower, but right now I think it's just too noisy, too disjointed to be anything more than a failure. A real shame too, cuz they showed some definite potential with their debut album. This might be one of those awkward transition albums between black metal and krautrock...maybe for the next one they should go full on Van der Graaf Generator, I don't think anyone would be upset by that transformation. Badass artwork though, wouldn't mind that one on a t-shirt.

...and of course Morbid Angel, Metallica, but was anyone even really expecting anything worth a damn from them anyway?

Killer Fox - Orgasm Of Death

Truly an awful album, and one that is really only worth playing for it's shock value. Released by the notorious German label Metal Enterprises (read a great article about this farce of a label here). Killer Foxx is basically below par heavy metal with robotic death metal vokillz and elements of wackiness. Even though this is completely substandard and the people responsible for it should be wrangled up and promptly put out of their misery, there is a certain masochistic enjoyment I get from listening to it. Sort of the same pleasure I get from hearing a blastbeat infused accordian serenade...or an out of tune opera hog belt out a passage from the Necronomicon...illogical? Sure. Inappropriate? Hell yes. Hilarious? You betcha.
P.S. perhaps the most brutal cover art ever.

Orgasm O'Death

Hurricane Playlist!

For those of you ridin' the storm out, hehe.

Airing of Grievances - The Worst of 2010

The after Christmas blues are on full swing, so I might as well begin the annual Airing of Grievances... you see, not every metal album was great this year.  In fact, there were some downright klunkers. So let's get started on this miss parade.

Enslaved - Axioma Ethica Odini

The only thing I remember after listening is one riff that straight up annoys me.  Ruun was the last album I gave a damn about, and they seem to be quickly going downhill with each subsequent album.  Maybe they need to get Dirge Rep back in the band or even that fucking skinny grasshopper Kronheim.

Dirge

Kronheim

Come on Grutle and Ivar, get with the program!!

Atheist - Jupiter

C'mon

I was really excited about this album, but I should've known that it was going to suck because it's basically Gnostic with Kelly Schaefer singing.  Not good guys, not good.  The thing that really kills this album is the lifeless modern-age production that just sucks all the vitality from what could've been a semi-interesting platter of tech-death.  Fuck, I hate these sterile production jobs.  People think that's professional?  That's desired??  Fuck that shit.

Sigh - Scenes From Hell

Not great

There's such a thing as having too much fun, and Scene's From Hell is having too much fun at the listener's expense.

Grimlet - Grim Perceptions
If you're going to name your band something awesome like Grimlet, you've gotta figure that people are going to have some pretty lofty expectations of your music.  I had dreams of Grimlet being like a black metal version of mini-Kiss.

 Or even this would've been a'ight.

Alas, neither is the case...

Lame

Agalloch - Marrow of the Spirit

Haughm & Friends

Agalloch have officially gone up their own ass....soooo pretentious.  The bass drum sounds like shit too, who the hell was mixing this thing??  Come on Haughm, pull it together baby.

Deathspell Omega - Paracletus

This is a godawful mess.  I really liked Fas...but this is really doing nothing for me.  This really isn't even black metal, it's some sort of bass heavy bastard form of noise rock, which would be OK, but the bass doesn't even sound that good.  I will say that parts of Paracletus are growing on me, but right now it's a big disappointment.