Annual Airing of Grievances 2013

Overall I really thought 2013 was a good year for the metal music...not quite as good as last year, but you had these amazing comeback albums by the likes of Voivod and Carcass and Satan and the almighty Mindly Rotten which wasn't a comeback but a reassertion to their throne of champions. I just can't get over that band. Anyway, where there are winners there are losers, so here's the bottom of the sludge pile.

Satyricon - s/t  By far the biggest dissapointment of the year, if you've got a superb drummer like Frost let him cut loose and go nuts godammit! Its sad when the best song on your album is a trite, romantic-styled ballad featuring that bald Midnight Oil looking mutherfucker whose day job is crooning in an AOR band.
Summoning - Old Morning's Dawn  not that Summoning aren't great but this is a pale imitation of their best works (Stronghold, Minas Morgul, Nightshade Forests)
Sannhet - Known Flood  more hipster bs
Rotting Christ - Kata Ton Daimona Eaytoy  I usually love some Rotting Christ and the past few albums have been awesome, but ad naseum already...this is just a weaker replica of the last album, Sakis needs to recharge some of those creative juices.
Queens of the Stone Age - Like Cockwork  truly one of my favorite bands delivered a giant steaming turd in 2013.
Portal - Vexovoid  the grandfather clocks of this fucking cavern-core genre...Swarth was cool, Outre was cool...this is just more of the same, I dunno I guess I've reached my limit of this kind of nonsense.
Melvins - Everybody Loves Sausages  seriously who gives a fuck about this band anymore?
Inter Arma - Sky Burial  fuck this and anything even remotely associated with the "sludge" genre
Haxan Cloak - Excavation  The Emperor wears no cloak, uninteresting sound collage for boring milquetoasts in wood-rimmed glasses.
Gehenna - Unravel  rivals Satyricon for most boring album of the year but I will give these guys a little credit, at least it sounds like they were making an attempt to try.
Extol - s/t  Extol makes a comeback and no one gives a shit and with the mediocre quality of this album its easy to see why.
The Dillinger Escape Plan - One of Us is the Killer  this kind of music used to be mildly popular 10 years ago.
Ghost B.C. - Infestissumam  that pope schtick is about as threatening as the real pope, this goes for the music as well.
Crest of Darkness - In the Prescence of Death  Like a ripe cheese these fuckers just get fouler with age.
Ephel Duath - Hemmed By Light, Shaped By Darkness  This band used to be tits I just loved that concept album about the dog, but now that Italian married Karyn Crisis and the vocal cords that come with her...what a shame.
Circle - Incarnation...Why this fine psychedelic kraut-rock influenced band decided to do a straight up death metal, black metal, extreme metal album is beyond me, it sounds fucking awful. Take every cliche of the shitty cavern-core genre and neuvo-trash and mix it in a giant enema bag...the musical Incarnation of a big pile of llama shit
Botanist - IV:Mandragora  here's another one that completely mystifies me as to why people go apeshit over this lame-ass limp-dick attempt at "interesting" metal.
Aborym - Dirty...About as entertaining as the Christina Aguilera song its named after.

I could go into detail on the Gorguts and Deafhaven records which I thought had a good chance of making this shame parade, but after a few more listens both are decent enough albums....just highly overrated. It pains me to say that about Gorguts cuz I have mad respect for Luc Lemay fanny-pack and all but Obscura and to a lesser extent Wisdom were filled with strange-hooks and a bizarre charm which Coloured Sands is not...I do LOVE the classical track Battle of Chamdo though.

FINALLY
A big fuck off to all sludge and cavern-core bands...come on guys that shit is plaaaaayyyyeeed out.