Shark Attack

Yeah, this is more like it! This new material is sounding much closer to the Road's patented epic psychedelic doom-crunch than the dreadful Playground of the Damned...I'm really looking forward to this one, 2013 is off to a great start with the new Manilla Road and that AWESOME new Voivod!!!

FMP RIP

Holy shit did anyone else realize this? Full Moon Productions has officially shuttered its cemetery gates, and the world is all the poorer for it. FMP was the best, I loved going through their catalog with its short simple descriptions...I remember one in particular was "goat-worshipping black metal" ( it might have been Amon Goeth or possibly Goat Thrower) I mean how can you not buy something like that?! It was always a joyous occasion getting that big fucking box full of black metal in the mail. FMP666 you will be missed!

Caravan

Vital Wound - Lifeless Existence

Droning, experimental funeral doom metal from Lithuania?? Ummmmm, yes please!!

Lifeless Existence

Night Troll - Dimension Gateway

Trolling Night Metal..Inept, captivating, brilliant outsider music..like Ildjarn without all of that atmosphere bullshit. Is it just me or is this the ghost of Frank Zappa doing black metal?! It might just be me.

Dimension Gateway

Equinox - Return To Mystery

1997 debut album of a terribly underrated U.S. band. Equinox played early American black metal somewhat in the vein of early Immortal (particularly the trudging blunderbuss that is DFM), but filtered through the Florida death metal aesthetic. A really interesting, solid album full of epicness that deserves some praise!

Return To Mystery

Airing of Grievances...The Worst of 2012

I thought maybe I shouldn’t do the airing of grievances for 2012. Yknow start 2013 on a high note, full of positivity and good vibes.

Fuck that nonsense, I’m gonna do what I do best…I’m gonna hate.

Swans…I think I like the Swans…or I thought I liked them, I remember listening to some of their stuff years ago, so I figure what the hell I’ll give The Seer a try.

Couldn’t get through 15 minutes, oh well.

Enslaved…Oh Grutle and krew, fool me once (Vertebrae) shame on you - fool me twice (Axioma Ethica Odini) shame on me - fool me three times (RIITIIR) and strike 3 - you’re out….I still like your old stuff though guys, everything up through Below the Lights is pure gold.

Wreck and Reference….Super hyped indie noise rock masquerading as black metal, I guess I should be used to this by now. But for some reason I thought No Youth might be different. It wasn’t. yawn.

I’m beginning to think that Sigh named their band with the sole purpose of describing my reaction to their newest albums. In Somniphobia’s brand of kitchen sink metal has the same cheesy melodic choices and ho hum flair that plagued 2010’s Scenes From Hell. Oh, Sigh have always had a cheesy aspect, but it just doesn’t come across as fun anymore…it comes across as lazy, and this is a band that I never thought I’d be calling lazy. On the bright side, the artwork is A+!

Panopticon’s Kentucky is a mess, but not a hot one. Whatever magic they had on Social Disservices (an album that was nigh-on brilliant) didn’t carry over. I still listen to this though…it’s not horrible, just not up to the standard of A Lunn’s past few albums.

Ehnahre’s Old Earth. Hey, I can be pretty high-brow sometimes, but I just don’t get this shit.

The new Nile is the very definition of a band stewing in their own collective juice. I almost like At The Gates Of Sethu just because the production and vocals are so goddamn weird…but then I pay attention to the actual music. Can’t rise above without the riffs boys.

Hail Spirit Noir’s Pneuma sounded promising on paper…proper 70’s prog mixed with black metal, plus they are from Greece, so how bad could it be? Well, they managed to take the most annoyingly boring aspects of prog, added horrible black metal vocals, and I hear the drummer phoned in his performance while he was participating in a sleep study. Pneuma has all the personality of a damp sponge and would be the most boring black metal album of the year if it weren’t for…

Nachtmystium’s Silencing Machine. I hated this album almost as much as I hated that Mumford and Sons. Or T Swizzle. Or Wakka Flakka. You get the picture. Complete dreck.

The Tradition Must Go On

Have a COOL YULe Fuckers!

Beast of 2012

The end times Mayan calendar all that shit...I've watched enough ancient aliens to know we should be kissing our asses goodbye right about now. But you know what? Not without reviewing this years beast in metal (and other genres)!! Make sure to grab these puppies when the nuclear atomic suck-partay begins.

10. Dreaming Dead - Midnightmares

Thrash-Death-Black bouillabaisse...pretty much anything you can think of thrown into a delightfully tight and well constructed melting pot set to boil over at any moment. The proggy spirit of later Death and epicness of Destroyer 666 are incarnated through this talented LA band.

9. Aluk Todolo - Occult Rock

A daunting monument to all things dark and spaghetti westerny. Has always taken me a bit of time to get into this band's releases, but once things clicked I couldn't stop listening.

8. Diskord - Dystopics

Diskord's surreal technical purely Scandinavian form of death metal returns and once again blows my mind...just like Doomscapes did a few years back. Weird chords, bass HIGH up in the mix and that bizarre doomy/grindcore atmosphere that they seem to have perfected...also, best cover artwork of the year, total win.

7. Weapon - Embers and Revelations

What the fuck Paulus, when are your arms just gonna fall off you gaoddamn maniaac?!! Super catchy songs that sound just plain evil as fuck. The highlight of their rather impressive discography thus far.

6. Bigg Jus - Machines That Make Civilization Fun

Biggie stutter-steps his politically paranoid flow over glitch-dub-chill-beach-minimalist-house-wave whatever...as ugly as it sounds and just about perfect.

5. Ultraista - Ultraista

Smalltalk is the song of the year...and the rest of the album lived up to the hype. Incidentally, seeing them live was prbly my favorite show of the year.

4. Linea Aspera - Linea Aspera

Dark Entries might just be the best label goin' right now. Bewitching gloom pop for your midnight seance... or your midnight romp!

3. MGLA - With Hearts Toward None

This was gonna be my number 1 for most of the year...hands down really...it still could be. MGLAs best material to date, which is indeed saying something considering the masterpiece that was Groza. I will forever and no more make Polish jokes...well maybe a few, just not in MGLA's general direction.

2. Gorod - A Perfect Absolution

These are the most amazing musicians in metal. PERIOD. What that last Atheist disc should've sounded like.

1. Witchcraft - Legend

Riff sublimity empty into despair...a new world opens and I am there

Surprises

The new Rush, the new Van Halen, the new Borknagar...all pretty good guys

Honorable Mentions

Die Antwoord - Ten$ion

Master's Hammer - Vracejte konce na místo

Comus - Out of the Coma

Yurei - Night Vision

Beastmilk - Use Your Deluge

Agmen - Call of Blood

Magma - Félicité Thösz

Linear Sphere - Manvantara

Trust - TRST

Realmbuilder - Fortifications of the Pale Architect

Avenger - Bohemian Dark Metal

Scenery - Mental Confusion

Vesperian Sorrow - Stormwinds of Ages

Occultation - Three & Seven

Blutmond - The Revolution Is Dead!

Starving Weirdos - Land Lines

Qhwertt - He Who Has Known The Gardens

Goat - World Music

Vaura - Selenelion

Violens - True

Self Spiller - Worms In The Keys

Graveland - Pamiêæ i Przeznaczenie

Grimes - Visions

Salamandra Eccentric - Moderato

Lunatic Gods - Vlnobytie

Iblis - Menthell

Dysrhythmia - Test Of Submission

Hellwell - Beyond The Boundaries Of Sin

Kontinuum - Earth Blood Magic 

Enthroned - Obsidium

Dodecahedron - Dodecahedron

Forgotten Silence - La Grande Bouffe

Favna Abisal - Rerum Imaginaria

I love u, I love u, I love u